The Teaching Game
by Orange Sherbet
Summary: When Sakura decided to host a summer class teaching total dorks how to become real casanovas, she never expected them to fall in love with her. But then again, they never expected to have such a pretty teacher. "So what day are we going to learn about making out, Sakura-sensei?"


:: **Prologue** ::

_"Seriously, forehead. You need to get a job."_ The voice on the other end of the phone sighed, reminding Sakura that this was the millionth time she'd had to turn down an invitation from Ino due to her money problems. This time, it was an offer to go to the Konoha Carnival, which happened every summer and charged a twenty dollar entrance fee.

"I know, I know." Sakura whined, trying to come up with a quick way to calm Ino down. Her pig-like friend got fed up with her very easily these days. "But you know all the college kids already took any open positions. What the hell am I supposed to do for money?"

Unbeknownst to her, Ino smirked at the other end of the line. She was driving past the high school in her new silver Audi (daddy loves his little girl) when the most perfect idea occurred to her.

_"Hey, Sakura..."_

"Yeah?" The pinkette's ears perked up, and she sprung forward from her position on her bed. "You've got an idea, don't you, pig? I know that tone of voice!"

Ino laughed. _"Don't get too excited. You may hate it."_

"Just spill!"

_"Alright...have you ever considered, like, teaching a class?"_

Sakura's brow furrowed, and even though Ino couldn't see her expression, she knew Sakura well enough to assume she was confused by the suggestion. "A class? Like, on what?"

Ino avoided running over a very suicidal squirrel in the middle of the road, grinning evilly behind her Gucci sunglasses (again, daddy loves her). Sakura may be broke as all hell, but that didn't change the fact that guys flocked to her like moths to a flame. The pink haired teen had had her share of sexy men. Which, in turn, made her the perfect candidate for the job Ino had in mind.

_"On how to be the perfect male casanova, my little forehead-challenged friend!"_

...

...

**- The Teaching Game -**

...

...

The sign was the size of a normal piece of paper. A picture of Sakura's smiling face took up most of it, the rest of the page covered in information for 'HARUNO SAKURA'S LOSER TO LOVER SUMMER CLASS'. The advertisement was posted in every single place around Konoha that dorky boys were thought to hang out: the video game store, the school parking lot, the CD store, the barber shop, on random cars, outside grocery stores, posted on random children's foreheads. It covered every surface, in hopes that one helpless boy would pick it up and go _'hm, maybe this is the class for me'._

For the next week and a half, Sakura neurotically checked her phone every few seconds. She gave up the first day of the second week. The calls started coming the day after she decided Ino's plan was a flop.

Sakura really couldn't tell you how she ended up with several hopeful looking males sitting on her living room floor, but the wad of money in her pocket more than made up for the weirdness.

Unfortunately for Sakura, the _weirdness _(there needed to be a stronger word for this) had only just begun.

* * *

- **I** _don't_ care **too** _much_ for **money**, _money _can't **buy** _me_ love -

* * *

"Alright, how about we start by telling everyone a little about ourselves." Sakura Haruno smiled sweetly and sat cross-legged on her lemon-colored couch. She looked around expectantly at her pupils.

They refused to look her in the eyes.

Unruffled by the lack of response, Sakura decided to start by saying a little about herself.

"So since none of you are ready to share, I supposed I'll go first." The pinkette put a finger to her chin, thinking about what she would say about herself. "For starters, my name is Sakura Haruno, which I'm sure you know from my posters. I like any kind of music, shopping is my favorite hobby, I like to go out with my friends and have sleepovers. Oh, and I drive my dad's old red ford truck. Me and my friends call it the red tank, because it takes up so much room and gas." She finished with a little laugh.

Still, the room was silent. Sakura pouted.

"Come _on, _you guys. Talk! Oh, I know! Why don't we start with you telling me why you've signed up for my class? Besides the obvious 'get girls' reason."

A boy with pretty blue eyes and spiky blonde hair raised his hand.

"Yes?"

He grinned, "My name is Naruto Uzumaki and I'm taking this class because this teme next to me refused unless I did it with him!"

Sakura blinked, turning her apple green gaze to a boy with onyx eyes and dark hair. He raised a brow, silently daring her to make him speak.

"What's your name?" Sakura, against her better judgment, asked.

"Hn."

"That's not a name, teme!"

"Dobe, _shut up._"

"His name is Sasuke Uchiha and he's the most socially challenged boy on the planet!" Naruto announced, causing Sasuke to set a death glare on him and Sakura to shake her head in a amusement. No wonder these boys weren't getting any girls; they totally gave off a gay vibe.

Deciding that it would be smarter to let Naruto and Sasuke bicker, Sakura turned towards the next victim (err...boy). He had long chestnut hair and blank white eyes.

"Neji Hyuuga. I signed up because most people of the female race tend to run away from me in fear." He sighed, as if it was the girls incompetence that had led to him taking Sakura's class.

The pinkette sweat-dropped. "Any idea why they would do that?"

"None whatsoever."

"Um...alright. Next?"

"Oh!" A blue haired boy, who was sitting behind the Teme and the Dobe, jumped up and waved his hand in the hand. Sakura nodded towards him. "My name is Suigetsu and I took the class so I could get some ass!"

It took all of Sakura's willpower not to kick the blue buffoon out of her house. These boys were paying her thirty-five dollars for every one hour class, after all.

Thankfully, the next boy was a little more tame. But not by much.

"My name is Shikamaru Nara, and I'm taking this class because my mom saw your troublesome poster and wants me to ' marry a nice girl someday' as she so annoyingly put it." Was all he said before promptly falling back asleep. Sakura felt a strong urge to smack him.

_Resist, Sakura. Resist. THINK OF THE MONEY YOU'RE MAKING!_

_**Hell yeah! It's sooo gonna be worth it!**_

Taking a calming breath, Sakura moved onto the next boy. He had red hair, jade green eyes and a very scary expression on his face.

"Gaara Subaku."

Sakura decided not to push him, instead looking expectantly at the brunette next to him. The brunette had an adorable puppy in his lap, and Sakura thought that he was the first boy she'd met that had true casanova potential. And then he spoke.

"Yo, my name's Kiba and this is Akamaru. We go everywhere together and I took this class to figure out why girls won't date me. I thought chicks dug dogs...anyway, I got a question for you, Haruno-sensai."

Flushing at her teacher name, Sakura nodded her alright to the question.

"Do the curtains match the drapes?"

And before Sakura could wipe the disgusting smile off of his ugly little face, the next student spoke up.

"YOSH! MY NAME IS ROCK LEE AND I HAVE JOINED THIS CLASS BECAUSE THE BEAUTIFUL PICTURE OF YOU ON THE ADVERTISEMENT MESMERIZED ME! YOU ARE THE PICTURE OF YOUTH, CHERRY-BLOSSOM!" And he procceeded to take hold of her hand and kiss is loudly, earning a cringe from Sakura.

"I'm just gonna go, like, wash my hand...um, mingle!" Half of them were most likely gay anyway, Sakura thought crudely as she escaped up the stairs and into her bathroom.

_Ew, ew, ew! Nerd germs!_

_**You got yourself a batch of nutcases, didn't you?**_

_Shut UP! This is all Ino-pig's fault! I am SO calling her!_

After scrubbing every last 'nerd germ' off of her hand, Sakura took out her bedazzled iphone and called up Ino.

"PIG, what the hell did you get me into?"

_"What do you mean?"_

"They're all nutcases!"

_"Well no shit, forehead. You didn't think they would all be natural playboys, did you? Time to earn the fuck load of cash you're charging them per hour! Good luck!"_

_The bitch hung up on me..._

_**Well, shit.**_

Taking a deep breath, Sakura steeled herself for the chaos that awaited her in the living room. She'd have to face them sooner or later, and Ino was right: they were paying her for a reason.

* * *

- **I** _ain't_ got **nothing** _but_ love, **babe**, _eight_ days **a** _week_ -

* * *

"Alright." Sakura smiled at all her pupils, sitting back down on the couch. "Let's start with something easy, shall we? I want all of you to give me your best pick up line."

She had the boys sit in a straight line so they could go from right to left. Unfortunately, Suigetsu was all the way at the right, so he got to go first.

"Excuse me, if I go straight this way, will I be able to reach your pants?"

Sakura shook her head. "What girl in her right mind would go out with someone who asked her that?"

Suigetsu, for the first time since he walked in, looked dumbfounded. "What do you mean?"

"Well, dumbass, most girls you're going to be interested in are looking for more than a one night stand. Actually," Sakura stood up and ran into her kitchen, grabbing the dry erase board and markers Ino had brought over yesterday afternoon and dragging them in front of the couch. "Most pick up lines turn out to be cheesy and stupid. Especially ones you get off the internet."

She uncapped a red marker and wrote a number one at the top of the board. Next to it, she put 'no use of the word 'pants' or anything else relating to sex'.

Turning back to the boys, Sakura looked at Shikamaru. "Give it your best shot," she told him. He sighed.

"I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Don't let her think that you're drunk, even if you are. Drunk guys equal horny guys equal not the kind of boy you want for the long term, or for anything at all, really."

Naruto was next. With a grin, he said "You're so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line!"

Sakura laughed. "I'll give you props, Naruto. That one was actually pretty good."

After a couple more pick up lines from the boys ("Your eyes are bluer than the Atlantic ocean, and baby I'm lost at sea!", "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just cant hold it in!", and "If you were a burger at McDonald's you'd be the McGorgeous.") Sakura noticed that the hour was almost up and decided to end the day's lesson.

"So you guys proved to me you actually have some learning potential. How about you show up tomorrow around ten and we'll work on actually conversing with a girl past the opening lines?"

They all nodded and said their farewells, and Sakura closed her door that night thinking that maybe, just maybe, her class could be successful after all.

* * *

- **something** _in_ the **way** _she_ moves **attracts** _me_ like **no** _other_ lover -

* * *

At the next class, Sakura decided it was a good idea to take the boys aside one by one and teach them how to flirt. She was afraid that they would get rowdy and make fun of one another, which would be unproductive towards her teaching goal for the day.

Still, she thought, was it really such a good idea to use her _bedroom_ for this purpose?

Sasuke sat stiffly across from her on the floor, looking at anything but Sakura. She sighed, realizing she would have to initiate the flirting.

"So, Sasuke, you come here often?"

"Hn."

"Do you like to dance?"

"Hn."

"You know, I love to dance. Maybe when the next song comes on-"

"I would never hit on a girl this annoying, anyway."

Sakura twitched at the (intentional - she was sure) insult. "Oh? And what kind of girl _would _you hit on?"

"I don't hit on girl," he replied, smirking, "they hit on me."

Surveying his dark locks and striking features, Sakura didn't find this hard to believe. Sasuke was the kind of guy that must've had loads of fangirls following him around.

_But he isn't looking for a fangirl, he's looking for a _real _girl._

And just like that, Sakura knew she would need to change her tactic.

"Alright, Sasuke. Let's try something else." He raised one dark eyebrow, signaling her to continue. "I'm going to come at you with a different angle, so be ready."

Sasuke nodded his affirmative.

Sakura leaned in a placed a hand on his thigh. She smiled innocently. "Hi, I'm Sakura Haruno, nice to meet you!"

Eyes never leaving the hand on his thigh, Sasuke replied, "Hn. Sasuke Uchiha."

And suddenly, his back his the carpet and Sakura was towering over him, legs straddling his waist. "Sasuke-_kun_," she breathed, green eyes twinkling, "don't you wanna do something _fun _with me tonight?"

_Damn it all, _Sasuke thought, feeling the telltale hardening within his pants. Sakura felt it too, and she grinned like a little kid in a candy shop.

_Ugh, did we have to use _that _comparison?_

"So you _are_ straight!" Sakura cheered, finally (ohthankkami) climbing off of him. "That makes things so much easier. It'd be a piece of cake for you to get a girl in that position if you were just a smidgen more friendly, Sasuke."

Sasuke nodded, taking that as his cue to exit her room and find the next boy. He didn't say it, but it occurred to Sasuke that maybe Sakura _was_ the only girl he wanted to get in that position with again.

* * *

- **she's** _a_ prick **teaser**, _she_ took **me** _half_ the **way** _there_ -

* * *

_Is Kiba just waiting for me to snap? _Sakura thought, a vein in her forehead throbbing. They were currently in the bathroom, her holding a wet towel to his bloody cheek. Today she was trying to explain kissing, and the boys had gotten a little excited with the prospect of getting a peck on their pretty teacher's lips. Apparently when she left the room to get some pillows for them to practice on (hehehe...imagine Sasuke kissing a pillow) Kiba and Naruto had gotten into a fight over who would kiss Sakrua first. This had made no sense to Sakura, but she had seen Kiba's bloody cheek and the thought of an explanation deserted her.

"Sorry, Sakura. You're just too pretty to not fight over." Kiba grinned, trying to melt her wall of ice. Sakura allowed him to a little and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"No more fighting, okay? Promise me?"

"Maybe for a kiss."

Sakura rolled her eyes, leaning in a little closer and peeling back the towel to see if she had gotten the blood cleaned off. She had. Sakura reached above Kiba (who was sitting on the bathroom sink) to open the cabinet that held the bandages. He caught her by surprise when he grabbed her hips to hold her steady, but Sakura chalked it up to her great lessons finally kicking in.

She never stopped to consider that there could be another reason.

* * *

- **please**, _please _me, **oh **_yeah_, like **I **_please_ you -

* * *

Suigetsu wanted to tell her so many things.

Like the fact that when she bent over to clean off her kitchen table (which was covered in pizza crumbs thanks to them) it gave the whole group the perfect view of her ass. Even stoic Sasuke managed to sneak a peak.

But hey, that was one thing he wasn't ready for her to take away from him.

There was a few things, though, that she could take as much as she wanted.

"Suigetsu, are you listening?"

"Yeah, yeah, something about female right and feminism?"

"I was saying how women hate sexist men."

"Women hate sexy men. Yeah. Can you do me a favor and clean the kitchen table again? I think you missed a couple spots."

"Suigetsu! _That _is sexist! You expect me to clean the table because I'm a woman!"

"Actually, I expect you to clean it because it's _your _house. But whatever floats your boat, _Sa-ku-ra._"

"SUIGETSU!"

Fuck. She was so hot when she got mad.

* * *

- **here** _comes_ the **sun**, _it's_ alright -

* * *

Sakura figured out early on that Gaara really _did not _want to be a part of her class. She assumed that, like in Shikamaru's case, his mother or sister or someone was forcing him to do it. But he'd always payed on time, so she didn't mind him too much.

Until she had to try and get him to be more friendly.

"Come on, Gaara. Just one smile?"

No dice.

"Pleeeease?" -insert puppy dog eyes here-

Nope. He just wasn't budging.

Sakura finally sighed and placed a hand on her hip, giving up the nice-girl routine.

"Smile, dammit!"

"No."

"Yay! At least you talked!"

It was a start, in Sakura's eyes.

In Gaara's eyes, it was the beginning of defeat.

His white flag was the blush that marred his features after she praised him.

* * *

- **the** _sun_ is **up**, _the _sky **is** _blue_, it's **beautiful**, _and_ so **are** _you_ -

* * *

In Neji's opinion, these classes held absolutely no relevance to him whatsoever. He had no reason to continue paying and coming to them.

But a certain pinkette held his attention, and so maybe that's why he continued to attend her lessons.

Right now, she was helping Naruto gel his hair to the perfect girl-catching style. Her small hands caressed his blonde locks, and Neji felt a stab of jealousy. Was his own long beautiful hair not pretty enough for her to touch? What was so great about Naruto, anyway? He was an idiot who ate too much ramen!

Sakura's twinkling laugh woke him up from his raging. Oh, lovely. Something the Ramen Idiot had said was making her clutch her stomach in repressed hysterics. Really, Neji was sure it hadn't been _that _funny. Then he looked around and caught most of the other boys crackling up too, and Kiba, beside him, was scooting away suspiciously.

Finally aware of the cool sensation between his legs, Neji looked down to see a glob of disgusting blue hair gel rested above him - _ahem_ - family jewels.

And then he turned murderous.

* * *

- **one **_thing _I **can** _tell_ you **is** _we _got** to **_be_ free-

* * *

Sakura sighed, wondering how she was ever going to get the boys to take this day seriously.

On the board, she had several very _simple _questions listed. All they had to do was answer them like normal guys who were trying to flirt with attractive girls.

1.) What's your name?

So far, she had gotten the following responses: 'Sexy Mcsexmuffin', 'Jacob Smith', 'What You'll be Screaming in Bed Tonight' and 'hn'.

2.) How are you?

Answers: 'Sexy', 'horny', 'lonely', and 'hn'.

The others hadn't even bothered answering, instead laughing at the others attempts.

Sakura was, to put it lightly, _fed. Up._

"Okay!" She shouted, rising to her feet. "I get that all of you want to laugh it off and take this as a joke, but I seriously do care if you come out of this program having gained something. I could actually _help _you guys, but you're treating me like a joke! Don't you want to be able to get any girl you want?"

There was a shocked silence that followed after Sakura's outburst. Naruto, the idiot, was the first one to speak.

"But...what if we don't want any girl we want?"

Sakura blinked. "Excuse me?"

Suigetsu took over for the blonde. "What if the girl we want is you?"

Sakura's mouth dropped open. She glanced around the room, noting the pink cheeks on all of her boys (hers? since when did they become _her_ boys?) and the way they refused to make eye contact.

With a sickening horror, Sakura realized.

Maybe, just maybe, she wanted them too.

Now _there_ was a scary thought.

* * *

- **there** _will_ come **an** _answer_, let **it **_be_-

* * *

"Oh my GOD, Ino! I don't know what to do!"

_"Well, what've you done so far?"_

"I, um, cancelled classes..."

_"WHAT? Why'd you do that!"_

"All they'll do is hit on me, Ino!"

_"They're going to do that anyway, forehead! Don't you get it? You got a bunch of nerd-gone-casanovas to fall in love with you, and know they're never going to leave you alone. It's actually kind of romantic, Sakura. You should enjoy it!"_

Sakura hung of her phone and placed her head in her hands. Oh, what had she done? Maybe, just maybe, the boys really would leave her alone. But Sakura knew there was a slim chance of that. Especially because of the paper she found on her porch this morning, sighed by all her proud students.

_We'll see you tomorrow at ten for class, Sakura-chan!_

_Love,_

_Your new Casanovas  
_

F. M. L.

* * *

Let me know if I should continue this or not, because I can't decide. I don't think it's any good, but reviews have proved me wrong before. Let me know what you guys think! AND YES, I DID OVERUSE MANY BEATLES LYRICS IN THIS STORY.


End file.
